No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
