So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
