My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
