So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Small penises have feelings too.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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