Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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