At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize