dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
