No awkward lesbian experiences without me
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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