The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
