Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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