Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
