On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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