I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
