I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize