Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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