i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
