I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
