If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
