A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
