Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
