I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
