i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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