ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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