Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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