hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
