I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
