I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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