Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
