I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize