I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Randomize
