we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
