she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
