i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
