your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
