I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
