I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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