I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Randomize
