I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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