FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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