yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize