i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize