so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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