the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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