You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Randomize
