we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
