Her vagina should come with caution tape.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
