I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
whose ass print is on the piano?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize
