birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Randomize
