oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
