matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
