Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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