Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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