fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
