I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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