I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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