Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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