Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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