you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
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