is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
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